You see, lunch with the girls serves many purposes but none more important than having a forum to discuss relationships. We were a mix of women at the lunch and whilst there were many topics we could and did discuss the main topic was men and relationships. Out of the seven of us, only one is married, two have never married and are not in a relationship, I have left the relationship and the rest are in various states of new relationships.

We are all successful business women, yet the predominant topic at lunch was men! Are we, as women then, not really happy unless we are in a relationship? And if we are not in a relationship and we say we are happy, are we really? For me, this is a bit confronting given I am embarking on a solo journey, what if I will never be happy? Are there degrees of happiness?

The Dalai Lama says “we are simply on this earth to be happy” so maybe we need to ponder the following questions: (1) what is happiness; and (2) when am I most happy?

It is useful to listen to the language we use when talking about happiness to determine ‘when am I most happy.’ Is our language (therefore our happiness) based in the past - “I was so happy when we had the house down south and I didn’t have to worry about xyz” or future oriented – “I will be really happy when the kids are finished at school and I can take that holiday I have been yearning for years.”

True happiness or authentic happiness is appreciating the here and now, finding happiness in every day simple things such as I am happy to be alive, I am happy to have a roof over my head, I am happy I can make fantastic pancakes and enjoy good coffee in the mornings. Happiness is not authentic if it is conditional. That is, happiness can not be based on something else needing to happen such as “I will be happy when I lose those extra 10 kilos, I can only be happy if you do this, or give me that.” Being happy is a choice. For me, I am happy to simply give life a go – Que Sera Sera!

This is why you have lunch with the girls, to ponder these types of questions. The lunch part of lunch with the girls is really inconsequential. Lunch with the girls is not about the food (although it has to be good) it is the collective support and nurturing we offer to each other. Lunch with the girls is the best therapy session any of us can partake in. And lunch with the girls also expands our social networks as we each invite someone from our pack to join us for lunch in another pack therefore connecting with other women and broadening perspective.

Is it any wonder women are much better than men when it comes to emoting and talking about life, love and the universe? We have been practising over lunch for years!

Lunch with the girls? Absolutely! Now that thought makes me happy…

Favourite lunch spots: Tell me about your fav spots, these are mine…

The Subiaco Hotel, The Ess Bar – Subiaco, The Raffles Hotel (Tapas Bar and Deco) – Applecross, Cocos – South Perth, The Botanica – Innaloo, The Blue Duck – Cottesloe, Indiana Tea Rooms – Cottesloe and the Opus Restaurant in the Richardson Hotel – West Perth (also does a great degustation).

They say that renovating your house is akin to renovating your soul; the house being metaphor for your psyche. So, that must mean I am going through a major overhaul right now!

Yesterday the house renovations started quite literally with a bang, thud and crash. As the demolition occurs and bits of the house crumble and fall, the bob-cat dutifully comes along scrapes it all into a neat pile and throws it into a very large truck to be carted away to goodness knows where.

So what is this saying about me? Are layers of me also being stripped away, demolished to be swept up and carted off? What am I throwing away? What will be the new me after this rather cathartic process? Hmmmmm, interesting parallel, let’s see what happens.

I wrote that text in a blog a couple of years ago and now realise just how prophetic those words were or indeed how true the connection between house and soul! The renovation of house finished but the renovation or transformation of me continues…

So I thought I would share a bit of this journey with you. I have changed, maybe grown up even, not sure. Sometimes, I think it would be nice to not be aware and not reflect and analyse life, however that doesn’t work for me especially given my chosen career and philosophy of Lifelong Learning. And this is one of those lifelong learning moments… so this story or journey is aptly titled “fifty, fabulous and a bunch of other f words!”

In retrospect, it was really quite scary reaching the big 5 – 0 only to realise there has to be more to life. The renovation and then the transformation of the house paralleled my life. I realised I wanted the best experience life can offer me and so I decided to head off on a solo path ending the long term relationship.

On the approach to this significant birthday friends actually said to me “Watch out turning fifty, you may leave the marriage, sell the house, chuck in the job, or give away the kids and animals – well so true, I say!” So here I am now at the ripe age of 50 single, and loving it. The weight of an unfulfilling relationship lifted to reveal a zest for life that makes me want to skip down the street bare feet and dance naked in kings park, if of course that were allowed.

I went out one Friday night and fell in love! Yes it was a person, a lovely man, and whilst it was everything I hoped and wished for it was also way more. It was the experience of the light headed giddiness that goes with flirting and romance, of being drunk on the moment and not on any actual substance. It is the feeling of invigoration; I am tingling with excitement at what might be. But at the same time, not attached to what might be. It may be forever, or it may fizzle tomorrow, but to feel all this again is sensational.

Relationships that don’t work shut you down to these types of feelings, turn off the youthful exuberance of being in love, of touching the other person, breathing in their smell and kissing to the point of getting lost in that embrace and falling into a world that you don’t want to return from. I found this on that Friday night, out of the blue there he was and we clicked. The chemistry was instantaneous and exhilarating. We chatted to the early hours of the morning, held hands and kissed like teenagers.

We arranged to meet the next day and in the cold harsh reality of daylight, it was just as good. The day morphed into the night and we had not run out of things to say, we ate some food, we drank some beer and kept talking, holding hands and kissing. It was then I realised something else was stirring in me. Something I hadn’t felt for a long time.

I felt alive and aching with excitement, something I had turned off or at least shut down a long time ago. OH – MY – GOD!

Ok, so here is the reality check… how ridiculous at my age to be behaving like this, let alone writing/blogging about it.

But that is the point… age should not prevent any of us from seeking fulfilment and chasing rainbows and dreams. Here’s the thing: to be in love is to be and feel young. So why does love avoid so many of us? What happened that Friday night that allowed two people to connect?

Firstly, we were obviously in the right place at the right time, so it is important to be out and about. Then the rest was up to us. He or I could have feigned disinterest, but we didn’t. We could have pretended to be something we are not, but we didn’t. We allowed ourselves to be vulnerable (well, at least I did) and we took the bull by the horns. Neither of us is expecting to rescue or be rescued by the other, we are simply enjoying the moment.

The experience got me thinking about what I want from life. And I now know I want to experience deep, passionate, intimate, romantic love – unashamedly!

Our well-being is based on being balanced and love and everything that goes with love is part of that balance.

So the moral to this story is LIFE has to be lived. It is a waste to stay somewhere and not be happy or fulfilled, and yet sadly many of us do. I say find the courage to live the life you really want. Be passionate, dare to thrill and be thrilled and in the process be whole and feel the giddiness of youth through love and romance.

This, I got tell you, is a great place to be.