Just when I thought I was starting to see light at the end of the tunnel, bam! I get a huge jolt to the core of my very being by having my stable monthly source of income terminated. It was on the cards but I had it on good authority, or so I thought that I had until the end of the year before it would actually eventuate. So to have it happen almost out of the blue and so soon has sent me into a huge spin and left me feeling extremely fragile. So what does a grown woman do, when she is feeling like this? Well, sulk… of course!

I realise that this is not life threatening, not for me anyway. I am able to rationally think through situations like these and plot a path of recovery. But that is not to say, I can’t wallow in self pity, sulk, feel sorry for myself and whinge about the situation; all of which I did with my colleague and friend in Melbourne.

I want my solo life and for that to happen the EX and I need to resolve our financials. I have put the house on the market for sale and removed it; I have put the house into the corporate leasing market and removed it also. So just when I had reconciled myself to staying in the house and enjoying it as I intended when I embarked on the renovations a couple of years back, I suddenly find myself in the predicament of not having a guaranteed source of income. This is pretty amazing, as I have never been in this situation ever, so it begs the question “why now?”

You would have heard me say on many occasions “I don’t know what I want to be when I grow up” so I think perhaps that this is the universe saying to me ‘well, if you can’t figure it, we’ll push you along and insist you start finding your way.’

I have become a big fan, or perhaps a better description is, addict of Twitter. Twitter is a messaging, come networking tool that allows you to stay connected with people (your followers) on-line. You tweet short messages, no longer than a 140 characters as frequently as you like, providing updates of what you are thinking or doing.

So I tweeted:

 “When one door shuts, another opens – right? So… Ok… I’m waiting.”

I am wondering if this is the start of my new life. That perhaps today is the day I will find the courage to embark on the life I am passionate about. I am not yet sure exactly what that passion is, although I do have an inkling, and perhaps any moment now I will gain that clarity?

Again, I tweeted:

 “Today is the first day of the rest of my new life; my mojo awaits.”

I have had two significant relationships end in a very short space of time; first, my long term personal relationship and now my six year client relationship. I am pondering ‘what is this about’ and potentially I think it is about having faith that what is happening right now is the right thing to happen and whilst I am feeling fragile I simply need to go with what is. My words are almost prophetic. A couple of weeks back I wrote on my Facebook Wall: ‘When life seems confusing, just go with what is.’ And here I am feeling fragile and trying to hold the faith that what is… is OK.

Having said that, as I sat back of room in the last workshop I will be facilitating for the client, I pondered my position, opened my notebook and wrote:

Time to get my shit together…

I am a writer, on-line marketer and business entrepreneur.
I can only fail, if I give up.

Do this:

1. Embark on BIG marketing campaign around all Lifelong Learning product and services
2. Build a focus on wellness / wellbeing
3. Learn to use the Business Contact Manager in Microsoft Office
4. Schedule public courses as part of brand building and marketing

John Demartini in his book ‘The breakthrough experience’ talks of acting now as if you have achieved your dream. He says articulate your vision through a model of BE – DO – HAVE. That is, what is it you want to be? How are you going to do that? And what will you have as a result of achieving this?

So for me:

BE:     

I am a WRITER; a syndicated writer for a column or piece in a newspaper or magazine; an author of books.

DO:            

Sell, hawk, tout my wares to newspapers, magazines, publishers; create a BIG on-line presence and find an agent.

HAVE:     

Freedom… to pursue life.

I am wondering when this comes to be, if I will look back and say thank you to the client for terminating my contract and pushing me to finally find my mojo?

Feedback… of course… where was your head at?  Feedback is so important for us to truly gain a sense of who we are, by validating our view of self through others.

Mirror, mirror on the wall; do I see me warts and all?

I have been telling this version of the Snow White story for many years now. It is a true story about me.  You see I used to look in my mirror and see Snow White. I saw myself as a results-oriented hard worker; a people-person who was fun to be around. What I didn’t see was how others viewed me. To them I was obsessed with work and winning; aggressively task-oriented through driving people; and as for fun, it was on my terms only.

So where I saw Snow White, others saw Wicked Witch of the West. What a shock when someone finally decided to share this with me. My immediate reaction of course was deny – blame – justify.  Deny that I was anything other than sweetness and light, blame anyone and everyone else, because if I behaved in a certain way it was because *they* made me and justify my position on some basis, because it was important for me to protect my EGO, my view of me.  Wow, what a bitter pill to swallow! But as my mother would say, “Where there is smoke there is usually fire.”

So I took some time to reflect on the feedback I had just received, and so my journey of self discovery and creating congruence between my inner and outer self began.

To get a sense of how you feel about feedback ask yourself ‘do you like to give it?’  If your answer is no then more than likely you don’t like to receive it either.  Feedback has to be reciprocal.  That is, if you provide feedback to others you must be prepared also to receive it.  Most of us think that feedback is confrontational, perhaps even negative.  However, feedback is simply a method of gaining clarity around our behaviours and attitudes. 

For example, I might see myself as a shy retiring sort of person that doesn’t like to get in people’s way.  So this translates into me arriving at work each morning without bothering my fellow workers and settling into my desk and computer and starting my day.  What my fellow workers see however is someone that is aloof, maybe a little arrogant (what! can’t even say good morning or hello) and potentially someone who is not a team player and doesn’t care; and all of these statements have the potential for becoming powerful limiting career options.  All that has to happen in this instance is for someone to tell me, and usually when the feedback is received it is received graciously because most of us are not aware how we behave or more importantly how our behaviours are perceived.  I would have been mortified to hear that I was perceived as aloof and not a team player as I was mortified when I was actually told I was aggressive and steam-rolling over my team! 

I didn’t get it, I didn’t understand that I was perceived in that way and most of us are the same.  We don’t like feedback because we see it as personal.  That is, I don’t want to hurt his feelings so I won’t tell him the team think he should not be on the project because he won’t speak out at meetings.   If we look at that last sentence in terms of ‘I don’t want to hurt his feelings’, how arrogant is that?  How arrogant for us to think that another person is not capable of receiving feedback. So rather than show compassion and inform the person, we say and do nothing and again potentially limit that person’s career.

When providing feedback we should look at the performance or the behaviour NOT wrap the person up with it.  That is, rather than make comments like “Henry, you are lazy and have a poor attitude toward your job.”  Re-frame the feedback to be specific and say “Henry, you have been 15 minutes late for the last three mornings. Please explain why.”

The key to feedback is to remember:

‘We may not remember what was said,
but we will always remember how it made us feel’

Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it.
Boldness has genius, magic and power in it. Begin it now. ~ Goethe

Well … here we are, at the start of the new financial year. Have you noticed how fast the months and years are going by or is it just me?

The answer to life?

Throughout the year, I have been pondering life, love and the universe trying to figure the answer to that eternal question ‘what is life all about?’ That is, what is it I am here to do, what is my purpose? Am I happy? What do I want to achieve in life? How do I want to live my life? I am sure most of us, at some stage have had similar thoughts… as I *get* that some of us have never had these types of thoughts. Which begs the question ‘does life just happen to us, or do we play some role in determining the life we lead?’

Choice or no choice?

I am going to work on the proposition that we create the life we lead, we create every drama and every scenario that plays out for us; and this is relevant to both our personal and professional lives. How do we do this? Through choice. Every choice we make is a choice, even when we truly believe we don’t have a choice. The mere notion of not having a choice, IS actually a choice and this sets the scene for whatever is going to happen next. Having said that, no choice is a bad choice. All choices simply provide the path we tread at that given time. If after, we decide we should have, could have done something different or better then that sets the path for making a different choice next time. Where perhaps we fail, is when we keep doing the same thing, keep making the same choices hoping for a different outcome?

The essence of Self?

Life, relationships and leadership all start within. We don’t really understand life, can’t really build sound relationships and certainly aren’t able to lead effectively if we don’t have a sense of who we are. That is, what is the essence of me: who am I, what values do I hold, what is important to me, what would I never compromise, what expectations do I have for me, for others – whether that be family, friends or work colleagues? In other words, what do I know about me?

Now, this is the interesting part. How do I know what I believe to know about me is true? What if, I don’t really know that about me, I just think it to be me? And this is the place most of us are at? We have a view of ourselves we believe to be true but most times it is so inextricably entwined with our EGO that we create a false sense of who we are, and this drives the choices we make. We make choices that are designed to protect our EGO, to protect our sense of self. We make choices that potentially limit our ability, limit ourselves.

Lifelong Learning?

I get it! And I get that this is where learning for life fits. It is about creating consciousness and deep understanding of self. For it is only when we truly understand ourselves that we can effectively interact with others in whatever capacity that may be: as child, as parent, as partner, as work colleague, as team member, as leader. Learning about Self is crucial and understanding that Self is complex and made up of many aspects, all which need to be balanced and nourished is vital. Learning this, learning about self, should underpin every other piece of learning that ever takes place.

Well-being and Wellness?

My business, Lifelong Learning operates within a well-being model called the Seven-Dimensions. The Seven-dimensions enables us to explore work-life balance and the mind-body connection, to build depth of understanding around the fact that the work and learning we undertake, contributes to the health and wellness of each of us as individuals, groups, organisations and communities.

So, what is the answer to life?

Whatever you want it to be. It is all about you. It is knowing that life is full of possibilities and you are full of potential.

Huh? You don’t believe me? Well, therein lies the answer…

So ponder this… what choices are you making now to create the future you want?