Have you ever attended a meeting, information or learning session where you have decided that what is being said is a crock of nonsense? Can you recall how you felt in that situation – apprehensive, angry, frustrated, indignant?
Have you ever considered that situations like these may simply be forcing you out of your comfort zone?
We all have our comfort zones although, different for each of us. Sit back, close your eyes and with consciousness, think about how you feel when you choose to, or are forced, to step out of your comfort zone.
Do some, or all of the words in BLUE in the illustration below look and feel familiar to you?
If you have answered yes, then rest assured you are not alone.
It is common for us all to feel some or all of these emotions when confronted with situations that take us out of our comfort zone. When we are out of our comfort zone, we hit our TERROR zone and whilst in this zone our feelings manifest into behaviours; and not all of them are positive. The words in BLUE in the above illustration describe emotions; how we might be feeling. The words in RED describe the potential resultant behaviours.
For example, these feelings can provoke different behaviours such as aggression – where we lash out at others; sabotage – where we actively work against the situation being presented; or withdrawal – where we simply do not engage in the process – which can also be seen as sabotage.
So understanding that these feelings are normal is the first part of learning. The next step is learning how to deal with these emotions whilst in our terror zone, so that they manifest in positive behaviours.
Stephen Covey has a good take on this. In his writings on the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, he talks about “Between Stimulus and Response” in Habit 1 – Be Proactive.
In essence he is saying we all experience events that provide some sort of stimuli (like being outside of your comfort zone or having your buttons pushed). However it is the responses or choices we make when we are stimulated that stand us head and shoulders above the rest. He is saying that we can choose to to react or we can learn more planned and thoughtful responses. The choice is in being aware of having choices and that we do not have to defer to the situation or circumstance. He says the more distance we can put between the stimulus and whether we react or respond, then the more proactive and less reactive we become.
It is simply the act of acknowledging we are “out of our comfort zone” and reflecting on the emotions we are feeling, that becomes the first step in our learning. Then, the second step is to move beyond our terror zone and learn to control our emotions to ensure positive behaviours are demonstrated.
So next time you in a meeting, information or learning session, and you are sitting there ‘rolling your eyes’ and grunting that this is a ‘waste of time’ (sabotage) or not participating or being disruptive by challenging everything that is being said – analyse why you are behaving that way? Is it simply, you are being pushed outside your comfort zone? If you respond with yes, then your next action is about choice. You can choose to acknowledge your feelings and own your discomfort and learn and grow or you can choose to stay in your comfort zone and do whatever it is you have always done.
REMEMBER: there is no comfort in learning and no learning in comfort.
Moving outside our comfort zone is scary. This post is valuable because it recognizes that discomfort is a normal part of the learning process but there are ways to manage this. Your reference to Covey and managing responses strikes a cord with me. It’s not what (terror) we experience that matters, it’s how we act (or “proact”) that is important.
I think of the young university students in Haiti who lost their homes and universities as they lived through the terror of the Haiti earthquakes. Many of them are now engaged through the Global University of Lifelong Learning (GULL) in the process of educating children in the tent camps of Haiti. GULL is working with World Vision to provide these youth with professional qualifications to recognize that they have stepped way outside their comfort zone in order to make a community contribution. These endeavors make the concept of “comfort zone” a very relative term.
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I appreciate the comments and words of wisdom. I can relate to this. However, I see a challenge as a new beginning and I am ‘taking on board’ the ‘outside the square’ activities in the best way possible, to achieve my dreams!!
Thank you for this content – there is always someone worse off!
Kindest regards
Jacqueline