Di’s Blog

Happy Di...

Nearly four months on from my significant birthday and I have to say I was not prepared for the catharsis that followed.  

I seem to have these words floating around in my head all the time – “I don’t know what I wanna be, when I grow up?”  How come all of a sudden I want to question everything that is?  How come I seem happy but feel unhappy?  Something is missing, what?

How can a birthday create such a drama?  So I am on a journey.  On a journey to discover what is missing and just maybe along the way I will discover what it is I want to be when I grow up!

I have just recently celebrated a significant birthday on Black Friday. Yes, Friday the 13th of June, 2008. As I write this, I am actually pondering the history of Black Friday. That is, why is a Friday and the number 13 considered black and linked to bad luck and superstition? I don’t actually know the answer to that question but have to say I don’t consider the number 13 unlucky nor do I find the combination of Friday and 13 anything but a day and a date. And this year I used Friday the 13th as a good excuse to party and party we did.

Our renovations are complete and the house is magnificent. We used the black Friday idea to host a party to re-connect us with family and friends. We had been a bit disconnected through being distracted with the build and I felt my birthday was a good time to get everyone together and celebrate. We had the party catered, plenty of fine wine and a handful of talented musicians to cap the night off. Whilst the party was fantastic, some have said a “wonderfully sophisticated evening” for me, it was all about the people.

Family and friendships are important, and the night demonstrated this beautifully. I remember a saying from somewhere – not sure where – that goes something like: some friendships are for a season and some for a reason ….

I realise this is a bit vague but I guess it captures what I am trying to say. Friendships that last, that span decades are truly special and I don’t know that I really understood that until just now. Perhaps understood is not the right word, perhaps appreciate is a better fit. Yes, I don’t think I have ever really thought about friendships, because usually they just are, but today I can say I have a depth of understanding around friendships and now truly appreciate just how special they are.

Special however, only when the friendship is true, when the friendship is authentic.

This is what I felt on Friday the 13th. I felt I was surrounded by true friendship. Some friends I have known for nearly 40 years, since we were little girls at primary school. Some friendships span 20 years and longer. There are some male friends of mine who we joke about being each others hand-bags when we were all single. Now we are all couples and have integrated our partners into the friendships. Some friendships are quite new, yet I feel the specialness of them and I know these too will blossom and have longevity.

In our newly renovated home we have achieved a place of work, a place of living and celebration. Our friends are our friends, and some are our clients. Our clients always become our friends and together we celebrate life, love, work and success. I feel blessed to be alive and thankful to have experienced such a wonderful night that was much, much more than just a birthday on black Friday the 13th.

I have taken myself off to a wonderful health retreat in the hills of Perth.  As I write this blog I am sitting in front of a wood fire, looking through huge double glass doors out to the magnificent view and listening to EnyaDie Spiel Eins Wahl casinos das Video Keno Spiel einmal, Spiel F�nf spielt das Spiel f�nfmal und Spiel Zehn spielt das Spiel zehnmal hinteinander. whilst steaming my organic vegetable dinner – all very soothing and nurturing.  I am having me time!  So how come I am feeling bored and want to go home after just the second day?

Perhaps my stay here has become the catalyst for me to truly understand that my life is pretty damn good.  Instead of appreciating all the good things that happen day to day, I have been focusing in on the one little thing that I perceive not to be quite right?  How often do we do that?  Why do we do that?  Why don’t we wake up in the morning feeling absolutely blessed just because we have woken up?

This is what I have learnt during the solitude of my days – in between my massage, reiki and reflexology sessions!  I have learnt to become conscious of life around me and to appreciate the best of everything that I encounter.  I have learnt that I hold the answers within, I just need to give myself permission to probe and take a look.  I have also picked up a few tips and tricks from the wonderful Louise Hay from Hay House Publishing.  No, not in person but through reading one of her books I discovered in the book shelf.  She is very much into the notion of loving yourself.  She says go look at yourself in the mirror, look yourselfSur les pages de Jouer Casino, vous avez la chance unique de jouer aux jeux de online casino en ligne gratuits, ainsi qu’aux jeux de casino en ligne pour l’argent r�el. in the eyes and tell yourself “I love and accept you exactly the way you are.”  This is an interesting exercise, one I encourage you to have a go.

Even though my stay was meant to be for five (5) days, I am exiting after two (2) feeling alive, re-energised and joyous.  I think the act of seeking this stay as an intervention served its purpose and I recognize that.  I know I have achieved what I set out to do and am truly grateful.  In addition I will be switching us (the fam) to organically grown fruit and veg and investing in both a steamer and juicer.  I have validation of the mind-body connection.  I get it!  In fact, I think I always got it, just got a little lost of late. What about you?

We have managed to create a happy ending to our little puppy saga and it came about through building relationship.  In casino on line gamblingguida casino onlineroulette virtualegiocare alla rouletteroulette 36keno gratiscasino on line italiagiochi casino da scaricare gratis,casino bonus gratis,casino gratisgioco keno gratis inlineabaccarat onlinecasino gioco virtualecasino en lineacasino bonus gratisgiochi video pokerroulette online gratiswww giochi casinocasino on line bonuscasinos games,casino gaming,casino gamescaricare casino gratisbonus europa casinogiochi di casino gratisgiochi on line roulettecasino gioca gratismigliori casino on linegran roulette casino,roulette casino,roulette da casinogiochi keno gratis in linearoulette game downloadgiochi da casinocasino gratis senza depositomobile casino gamesvideo poker pcplay free kenocasino da scaricare gratisdownload video pokeron line casinotrucchi per video pokerroulette systemseurobet casinocasino giocaroulette online,vincere alla roulette online,giochi online roulettevideo poker virtualegioco della rouletteblog casino online,casino online,casino online roulettegiochi keno gratis inlineajack black in lineavideo poker da scaricare gratisgiochi casino da scaricare gratisgiochi black jackgiochi keno inlineagioco keno gratis all the time we have been living in our house we have never really got to know one of our neighbours.  She is a quiet, elderly woman that mostly keeps to herself.  We actually made judgement about her many years ago when the children were small.  Occasionally, they would lose a ball over the fence into her front yard and were never able to retrieve it as she would not allow it.  Often, she would not even return their balls as this seemed an intrusion for her.  So we accepted what we deemed her quirkiness and never really bothered about her since.

However, what we have since learned from neighbours we do have relationship with is our first dog Rusty, quite frightens her making it impossible for her to venture into her front yard.  Her yard is higher than ours so we get to see head and shoulders above our fence-line, which Rusty reacts to by barking.  He is of course alerting us to the fact that potentially someone is coming into our/his yard!  We knew this about Rusty but always thought that he was simply doing his job and we would turn off the alert fairly quickly.  What we didn’t know was the affect it had on her. 

We are going to fix this situation by screening off the fence so that when she and any of her friends and family are in her front yard they won’t be visible from within our property, therefore not inciting Rusty to react.  We have also known that since our renovation Rusty has been a little anxious and not behaving as well as he should (barking when anyone enters our property) so we are also bringing in the dog behaviourist to help us re-adjust him.  We have made this commitment to our neighbours and the local Ranger, so we now have a provisional OK to keep the third dog – what a relief!

All in all, another great learning opportunity; it is all about relationship.  When we get to know people and build relationship with them, we get to understand their fears, anxieties and passions.  We understand how to interact with them to get the best outcome for all concerned.  Without relationship, we simply see difficult people and conflicted situations.  With relationship we are more willing to understand the situation from the other’s perspective and find resolve; a win-win for everyone and gladly this is what we have achieved.

I am absolutely flabbergasted; how do you operate within a world that you feel is unjust?  Two years ago Ted’s mother lost her husband leaving her alone in Melbourne. [Ted is my husband]  She was a wonderful person.  She contracted polio during the epidemic of the 1950’s and subsequently ended up with a leg in a brace for the rest of her life.  This setback however never stopped her from living her dream of working as a doctor and enriching other’s lives.  After her husband died the family decided to move her here to Perth, to be close to two of her three children.  We all know that a death and then a move are two of the most stressful situations any human has to deal with, let alone a frail elderly woman in her mid-eighties.  So we decided to cheer her up and took her down to the local pet shop so she could choose and love a puppy; this is how Jasper our third dog came to be.

It soon became apparent however that Betty’s health [Betty is Ted's mum] was deteriorating and sadly she too passed, leaving Jasper an orphan.  The obvious thing to do was for him to stay with us, his pack and so he became our puppy, affectionately known as ‘little puppy’.  I never really got around to registering him with the local council but decided that I would this year, in order to be honest and do the right thing – coz that is the kind of gal I am!

Well, to my shock, angst and absolute horror I got knocked back!  So in my desire to be honest and do the right thing I got rewarded with a letter that says I have to reduce my dog numbers back to two!  How can this happen?  We are responsible dog owners, I am a responsible dog owner and our dogs are well behaved.  Yes, Rusty barks but not incessantly.  He is the protector so he tells us when people are here.  Occasionally his barking will incite all three to riot, but very occasionally. 

Has the world gone mad?  Are dogs no longer allowed to bark at all?  So, even if we did reduce the number back to two it is not Jasper that barks, so how will this resolve the issue?  I tried to have this conversation with the ranger, but to no avail.  He didn’t really want to understand the entire picture, he just wanted to play by the rules and the rules say only two dogs allowed.  He told me he had to canvas the neighbours and whilst they did not complain about the dogs barking they did mention the dogs barked – well that is what dogs do!  Yet even though there was no complaint the ranger took it upon himself to decline my request. 

How do I behave in this situation?  What sort of a lesson do I now teach my children?  How to lie and cheat so we can keep Jasper?  We can not give away a member of our family and all three dogs are dearly loved members of our family.  I will try to resolve this, I will appeal the decision and seek justice but it is very hard to stay positive when the world does not appear just!

“You get as good as you give” has been yet another observation I have made during our building project that has a HUGE parallel in life. For all intents and purposes our renovation (the actual building process) has been absolutely fantastic and 100% successful.  When discussing this with others we get many comments such as ‘oh, you have been so lucky’ and ‘wow lucky you’.  I have to say, luck had nothing to do with it at all.

I have come to realize that your external reality is very much a reflection of your internal world and vice versa. That is, whatever is going on around you is in some way reflecting how you are feeling and what is going on for you on the inside.  This is also relevant to the people around you whether they are folk you love and adore or folk that irritate you – they all mirror YOU!  We actually create the barriers we experience in life, we create the abundance, we create the world we live in.  There is a great saying by Laurel Lee that says “I know I do not see the world as it is, I see the world as I am.”

So what does all this mean?  Well, basically if life is sweet for you it is because you have inner peace; you are living consciously.  Conversely if life is conflicted, stressful or difficult then look inwards for the reasons why?  Ask yourself, could I behave better in certain situations, could I respond in a kinder way to those I am interacting with, could the situation I am finding conflicted, stressful or difficult be about me – am I simply deflecting responsibility by pointing the finger and laying blame on others?  In fact how often do you hear yourself blaming the other party?  One of the biggest learning opportunities is to listen to your language.  If abundant in your language is to blame others then take time to reflect on what role might you be playing in the given situation?  If you would like your world to be different simply take a different approach, learn a new perspective.  I guarantee if you take a different approach you will get a different response.  After all, the only person you can control in life is you, so if you want something different or better, then change your perspective, take a different approach to any given situation, because you really do ‘get as good as you give.’

I get it…  I live consciously and our building experience (and life in general) is testament to this!

Conflict is a funny thing. We talk about it, we hear strategy for resolving it but do we really deal with it, or is it easier to simply stick our heads in the sand and hope it will go away? I would hazard a guess and suggest the majority believe it is better to tackle conflict head on and deal with it, but the reality is most of us do nothing and unfortunately allow the conflict to fester and escalate.

There are many conflict clues that should alert us to the fact that things are not quite right, but unfortunately we don’t seem able to recognize these when they present or more likely, if we do recognize them, we simply fail to act therefore missing or ignoring the opportunity to do something before the conflict gets out of hand.

I have just recently transitioned through a conflicted situation myself and can now share with you that only when we really do act on a conflict to truly resolve it does the oppressiveness of the situation actually go away. When I reflect back on my situation I understand very clearly I carried the weight of this conflict for months before finding the courage to resolve the situation. I believe that finally acting and now feeling absolutely liberated is directly related to the analogy of renovating my house. I have been renovating my psyche also and as part of that renovation, I have emerged stronger and more determined to stay in integrity as I *know* that no-one has any control over you or your destiny other than you. To even contemplate that someone other than you can determine your future is giving away your personal power and in so doing validating a *self-limiting* belief.

These are the clues:

1. Discomforts: This is where perhaps nothing is said yet, but things just don’t feel right. It may be difficult to identify what the problem is. I was in a triangular relationship of client, me and another consultant. Picture a triangle and see the client at the tip of the triangle and then me and the other consultant at each of the bottom ends. I made the comment to the other consultant “that if we were all friends, I would be the friend that was left out.” I was feeling the discomfort, just couldn’t work out exactly why?
2. Incidents: Here a short, sharp exchange occurs without any lasting internal reaction. Has something occurred between you and someone else that has left you upset, irritated or with a result you didn’t want? The incident occurred very early in the forming of the triangular relationship through the bringing in of the external consultant – this was a result I had not contemplated but I went with the flow as the consultant is highly skilled in the area we were working in.
3. Misunderstandings: Here motives and facts are often confused or misperceived. Do your thoughts keep returning frequently to the problem? As time went on, the consultant and I formed a mutually respectful relationship and our relationship increased. However, evidence and actions from the client provided confusion in terms of actions from within the business not supporting the content of the program that we were facilitating. That is, there was incongruence emerging through words that were being said and actions undertaken.
4. Tension: Here relationships are weighed down by negative attitudes to fixed opinions. Has the way you feel about and regard the other person significantly changed for the worse? Is the relationship a source of constant worry and concern? I felt all of this and had it confirmed through my need to de-brief regularly with my team trying to (a) understand what was going on and (b) plan for resolve in some way, expending a lot of unnecessary energy.
5. Crisis: At this stage behaviour is affected, normal functioning becomes difficult, extreme gestures are contemplated or executed. Are you dealing with a major event like a possible rupture in a relationship, leaving a job, or violence? As you can imagine my conflict had moved to this stage; it had to come to a head. What I then realized is that my initial feelings of discomfort had been validated; I had known all along that this point was coming I just failed to acknowledge the reality and then failed to act. So now I was in crisis mode and I chose to withdraw my services from the client as it was clear to me that my contributions and expertise were not valued.

It was at this point that the self-doubt creeps in. It was certainly a big risk to withdraw services from a client when this is what I do for a living. It was even a bigger risk when I had evidence of a pattern of behaviour from this client when challenging situations occur and this would be seen as a challenge for this client. I ran the risk of losing this client in total but chose not be held hostage by revenue nor perceived threat that this client could wield some control over the success or otherwise of my business.

I did it. I withdrew my services and now I can confirm quite happily that life goes on. The oppression is gone and I feel liberated. Five days after the event the client and I did meet to discuss. We were polite and have found a way to move our relationship forward (outside of working together) which of course is a great outcome. Now, as one door closes I live in excited anticipation of how many new doors will open.

So, what did I learn? I learnt that conflict clues are evident and we need to find the courage to act on the clues as they arise. Could I have had a different outcome? Definitely, had I been able to confront the client and engage in authentic dialogue. I preach this stuff and yet I still found it difficult. So the biggest learning is that it is a lifelong approach and next time I will be better prepared to deal with any new conflicted situation and therefore create a different or better outcome. I know I have learnt – I felt the pain… I have grown.

We are on the down hill slide now with our renovations.  Only 4 -5 weeks to go and all will be done and dusted. The experience has been wonderful. A lot of our friends asked us along the way ‘how are you coping?’ and would make comments such as ‘I bet you are really over it now and will be glad when it is finished.’ We will of course, be glad when it is finished but it really has not had an affect on us at all in terms of creating stress or anxiety, which begs the question.  Why do some us find these types of situations tense and worrisome and others like us take it in our stride?

Working in the area of people behaviour and having spent some years now using the Myers Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) I believe there is an answer. Our family is predominantly *P* when it comes to how we like to orientate ourselves in the world. That is, we are not into structure or order and like to be emergent in our approach to life in general; we like to see what options arise and don’t like to make plans in case something better happens along. This was validated just this morning with both our children. Our daughter madly sewing flowers onto a headband for a project she is doing on 1920’s flapper women and our son frantically searching for baby photos he can take to school for his life-line project. So as a family, we tend to leave things to the last minute which may seem a little chaotic for some, but for us living in a chaotic state is not a state that causes angst.

Our opposites however, those that are *J* need order, structure and control. Without, they can not relax nor enjoy and ultimately find themselves stressed and somewhat agitated even becoming dysfunctional.

Rusty, our 4 year old border collie cross is suffering.  I have him pegged as an ISTJ. Which means he is introverted - where he draws his energy (internal or external), sensing - how he gathers information, thinking - how he makes decisions and judging - how he orientates himself in the world. Overall it means he likes routine, he likes everything in its place and a place for everything and he doesn’t like too many surprises. So having many trades people in the house and a lot of unfamiliar noises has resulted in our Rusty being in a constant state of high alert, quite anxious and seeking shelter and reassurance from his pack leaders.

The Myers-Briggs personality type indicator is based on the work of C.G. Jung and is useful simply as an awareness tool, hence the word *indicator*.  It is a way of creating awareness around how we approach different aspects of life and provides an indicator of personality preferences to enable us to honour differences in one another and find the strengths in those differences as opposed to creating fear and intolerance.

Our build has been a wonderful experience.  A validation of where we are in our life journey. We wanted a physical dwelling to support our way of living and that is exactly what we got; with the added bonus of hassle free, on-time and nearly on-budget. Don’t you love the universe?

I have often heard people say ‘I leave work at the door as soon as I get home’ or ‘I leave home at the door as soon as I get to work.’ I have always puzzled over this, as I can’t understand how the two do not overlap? To me the comments are too neat, too black and white; whereas I see life as many shades of grey and definitely not such a neat fit.

I understand that we all have our own reality and that these comments are certainly coming from my own, however, I also think that we create the life we live and sometimes trying to box things so neatly often causes us angst and stress, potentially the very things we are trying to alleviate from our lives?

So why do some of us try so hard to create a definitive demarcation between work and life? Is it because we don’t really like our work or is it because we don’t really like our life?

For me, I love life; my life is my work and my work is my life! I remember years ago a friend of mine saying ‘determine your passion in life and then find a way to get paid for it.’ Once you do that work is no longer a chore, work is a joy and the blurred boundaries (work and life) become seamless.

Let me share story: we (the fam) recently returned from ten days in Malaysia. Whilst sitting in the hotel room in Kuala Lumpur I picked up one of the magazines laying on the coffee table and the very first story I read was on Leadership and Management in Malaysia. This sparked my interest and got me thinking about working in Malaysia.

I wondered if this could be possible. If so, then I could blend my passion with overseas travel and of course the by-product – shopping, how good would that be? I continued to read and noted the article was written by a global consulting firm. I also travel with my laptop (can’t be without communications), so I Googled the firm only to find they were looking for consultants in both Australia and Malaysia. So needless to say, my holiday provided me with a fantastic business opportunity which I am currently exploring so I will keep you up to date as it unfolds.

Ah! This is what (work) life is all about…

The roof is on and the new reality of our house is emerging, and it’s beautiful.  Who would have thought that a circa 1950s federation house could transform into a modern contemporary look for the 21^st century.  The truly magnificent aspect is the essence of the house is still intact: a place to gather (work and live), have fun, feel safe and celebrate life with all its ups and downs.  A place to share story, exchange perspective, guide and encourage children and welcome extended family, friends and colleagues. None of this has been lost; in fact the new reality will capture this even more through providing the physical space for building bigger, better and more relationships.

Our house is not just a house.  Our house is our life.  We live in the place we work; we work in the place we live. We have successfully blurred the boundaries between work, life, family, friends and colleagues.  We share this space with children, family, friends, colleagues, clients and animals.  Our clients become our friends; our friends become our clients and collectively we have built something very special: sound relationships that provide interchange of idea, expression and opinion.

And there is the parallel… not only have we created a new version of our house to *live in*, we have also created a new *way of living*. This is life in the 21^st Century!