Discomfort, the initial stage. Things just were not feeling right. Could not put my finger on the reason but knew that there was a problem. Call it feminine intuition but there seemed to be no warmth in the environment that previously was a source of comfort.

Incidents, the short sharp exchanges that started to occur. Where conflicts in the past had been exchanged in a friendly manner, now the incidents left me feeling as if there were things unsaid. Hidden agendas? My paranoia?

Misunderstandings, what was I saying that was creating these exchanges. I began to internalise this. Blaming myself for the situations. This decreased my confidence and what appear to be “my attitude” was in fact protection. I f I did not engage…I would not make a mistake. That would make it better. In fact what it did was deteriorate the relationships.

Tension, Bingo exactly what started to happen. I began to worry about the attitudes of others towards me. What did I do to create this. How could I make it better? Discussions with freinds validated that in fact I was not doing anything “wrong”. Just ignore it was the advice. But my inate sense of right and wrong would not allow it.

Crisis. Behaving normally was and is becoming more difficult. Trust has been affected and I can feel my behaviour deteriorating. Headaches, lack of sleep are the physical side of what I know to be true. I am unhappy at my job. I have chosen to re-establish my confidence and use the skills I know I have to validate what I am good at. I have applied for a job that will stretch my horizons.

Going through the five steps has enabled me to take this leap from the comfort of what I know to the reality that is is time to go. I had known this was coming and I now have the courage to act. My behaviours in fact were a reflection of the reality that my contributions and expertise were not valued. Time to re-establish my confidence and focus my abilities in a new and rewarding career.

Wish me luck