It always seems like we never really value the simple things in life, like a thank you.  Saying thank you costs us nothing, yet the value of a thank you is almost immeasurable.  I recall having this very conversation with a bunch of leaders in various leadership forums, over many years and I got to tell you if I had a dollar for every time I heard the following, ‘why should I thank them, I pay them don’t I’ I would be extremely wealthy indeed.  It got me thinking.  Imagine if we used a similar line on our significant others when asked ‘do you love me darling?’ and we responded with ‘well, I married you, didn’t I.’ 

Hmmmm, doesn’t quite work does it?  Well, it doesn’t work either to forget to thank those around us for doing whatever it is they are doing.  You see, it is a fundamental underlying human principle for us all to want to contribute and feel valued. In a work setting, this means that doing our job and being remunerated is only part of the equation.  We want to do our job, be remunerated and feel valued. 

Organisation’s today spend a lot of time, money and effort on implementing employee reward and recognition schemes yet fail to develop their workplace leaders in the act of saying thank you.  Two simple words; thank and you, and when said with authentic intent are great motivators.  A thank you is feedback; feedback that reinforces we are doing something right, and potentially doing it well. 

A thank you is a behavioural intervention, in that when we are told thank you we are being noticed and when we are being noticed we want more of that so we do more of what we were doing that generated the thank you in the first place.

In a personal setting, a thank you sets the behavioural standard also.  That is, when our children pick up their clothes and put them in the dirty clothes basket and we say thank you, they are more likely to do it again and again.  When our significant other cooks a great meal and we say thank you, we are letting them know how loved and appreciated they are and they are more likely to find ways of doing more for us because they value the contributions to and recognition of the relationship. 

Think about this, it even works with our pets!  When we say good dog, for peeing outside or for not barking inappropriately, what we are saying is thank you.  Thank you for peeing in the right place and thank you for not barking at that cat sitting on the fence; a thank you reinforces good behaviour.

A genuine appreciation of another through a thank you is a powerful motivator for good behaviour; it is a reward and recognition system that costs nothing.  So, how hard is it to say thank you?  How hard is it to genuinely appreciate the effort of another? How hard is it to provide feedback to another through these two simple words; thank you? 

Obviously hard, because it gets overlooked time and time again through excuses such as ‘I shouldn’t have to thank them for doing their job.’ ‘I shouldn’t have to thank him for cleaning his room; this is not a hotel you know.’ ‘She should know I appreciate the work she does.’ And on and on we could go.  I am sure you can relate to a lot of these statements?

So what is the answer?  Just do it.  Embed gratitude into your everyday living, let those around you know how much you appreciate them by saying thank you, and when appropriate I love you, often. 

When was the last time you said thank you?  If you have ever wondered how to get those around you to achieve the outcomes you seek, just try these simple words.  I have no doubt you will be delighted with the result.

I recently reconnected with an old friend; on Facebook would you believe, of all places!  He is actually not old, I simply knew him twenty something years ago when we were both young twenty somethings.  He wrote on my Facebook page:

plus ça change, plus c’est la même chose

 when translated means

the more things change, the more they stay the same 

He wrote this in response to the fact that I was heading out for a long lunch and long lunches were one of the things we used to do all those years ago.  In fact, we aptly named him sir lunch-a-lot because he did lunch so well.  His comment got me thinking.  What else am I doing today that I was doing back then?  And surprise, surprise, there are many similarities.

Back then, there was a group of us that would meet after work on a Friday, hang out, party and have fun.  I am now collecting a bunch of friends that will often meet after work on a Friday, hang out, party and have fun.

Back then, I would always get up with the band (whatever band, at whatever venue) and have a sing.  Often now, I will ask the band (whatever band, at whatever venue) can I have a sing.  This is why, when people comment on my ability to get up and sing with a band I respond with ‘well, you know, I have been rehearsing for twenty-five years.’

Back then, I was single and searching for love. Today, same.

Back then when I celebrated my big 3 – 0 birthday and back then, turning 30 was a big deal, I threw a huge party and had the band, so I could sing my little heart out.  It was after all my party, and I will sing if I want to! Back then I knew the members of the band and sang with them often.

Recently, when I celebrated my big 5 – 0 birthday and it too I got to tell you was a big, if not bigger deal, I threw a huge party and had the band, so I could sing my little heart out.  Yep, because it’s my party and I will sing if I want to… And again, I knew the members of the band as I sang with them also.

Back then, I wanted to focus more on the creative stuff, like song and song writing but the need to earn money far outweighed and over-ruled this.  Back then, I would work all day and then sing all night, and back then I could.  Today, I find myself with the same yearning to focus on the creative stuff, like song and writing. Only this time I have given myself permission to pursue this side of me as maturity has provided the insight to know I can pursue the creative as well as earn money.

Back then I wrote some really good songs.  Back then I even recorded my songs but sadly over time and moving house these are now lost.  What I do have however are the words to one of the songs I wrote and I gotta tell you, back then I knew stuff because today the words still ring true.  I remember singing this song with my piano player at a bar in the city, receiving a standing ovation and a $20 tip!  I also remember us having an excellent guitarist (a friend at the time) who played the most magical guitar riff, that I am sure contributed toward the tip and ovation also. Damn! I wish I still had the recording.  I remember the guitar bit being really lilting and beautiful.

Today, I can still hum the tune and hear the guitar and piano, however it is when I look at the words that I shake my head almost in disbelief because today, this song (perhaps now a poem) is not only reminiscent of days gone by but so appropriate for where I am at today.

So you see, a truism - “the more things change, the more they stay the same!” Or as the kids today would say ”same, same but different.”

Enjoy my poem… and let me what you think?

I blogged recently about facilitating an appreciative inquiry; a methodology for identifying all that is working in life, as opposed to focusing on what is not working and looking to problem solve. I can’t stop thinking that even though I understand these concepts, or at least I can intellectualise them, to truly embed them into a way of being is something quite different.

Ken Keys writes -

how soon will you realise that the only thing you don’t have is the direct experience; that there’s nothing you need, that you don’t have?

Abraham Maslow, of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs fame says that we all have levels of need and that only when one level is met can we move onto the next and then through all levels to achieve ‘self actualisation.’

His model is a five-staged approach with the most basic of our needs being physiological. In simplistic terms, this first stage is about life needs, such as food, water and shelter. Once this need is met we then look to be safe and know we have security. This may be work, love, financial security as well as ensuring we are physically safe through living in environments that have law, order and structure. From there we move into family, love, friends, affection and belonging both in a person, professional and community setting. When that need is met we look more inward around personal and professional achievement, status, responsibility and reputation and then the last need transcends all else and is about seeking personal growth and fulfilment and it may or may not be tied to the other needs. Often, at this level we may want to be independent of the world and wish to exist above and apart from material possessions.

Sounds simple? Often however, pursuit of these needs creates the very opposite of the original intent. Where we strive to meet our basic physiological needs we burden ourselves financially which ultimately confines and limits our ability to live life. For example, I may have my house or apartment but my loan repayments are so high I am just surviving, leaving my other needs around social belonging and self esteem un-met. I may be in a soul-destroying job that is providing me with plenty of money to meet my physiological and safety needs, but is so depressing it is having an adverse affect on my social belonging need and not providing me with opportunity to meet my self esteem and self actualisation needs.

What to do? The answer is balance and perspective.

Maslow intended his model to help managers identify that a team member cannot be a team player (level 3) if his house is about to be re-possessed (level 2) and a sales person can’t be
motivated to achieve targets (level 4) when they’re having problems with their marriage (level 3).

It is however, equally useful for determining where we are at in our lives, to help decide how we might want to be doing something different or better.

For me, I am definitely at levels 4 & 5, having many times in the past worked through levels 1 – 3. That is, life for me all is about love (deep, romantic love) and seeking achievement, status, reputation, personal growth and fulfilment. What I have come to realise though, is that in my current state I have confined myself to survival mode at levels 1 & 2 through being tied to a level of money to maintain my current lifestyle. And don’t think I don’t get that last statement is all about my EGO. You see, I have a lifestyle and one that I have potentially linked to my-Self. So, if my lifestyle was to change what would that say about me, what would that do to me?

It begs the question ‘how many of us see ourselves as the job we do, or the level of money we earn, or the status trappings we have; the flash car (s), the big house, the bigger toys, the bling, the holidays.” This mindset I think, keeps us in level 3 of Maslow’s hierarchy, and not always for the right reasons.

So in order for me to follow my dreams, live my passion and find my mojo, I have come to the realisation that I need to let go of my EGO, and in doing so re-think my lifestyle. This may be temporary or it may be permanent, I don’t know yet but the one thing I do know is, if I don’t do something different, I will just keep getting the same.

I have decided when I wake up tomorrow, I will put into play some strategies that will support my endeavours to realise ‘self-actualisation’ and have faith that the choices I make will support my future and my mojo will return, double-strength. I have everything I need; I just need to re-arrange how it is presented. Here’s to tomorrow.

Be afraid of nothing –
you have within you
all wisdom
all power
all strength
all understanding
~ Eileen Caddy

MOJO is a funny thing, you sure as hell know when you have it, but it is really hard to find when you lose it!

Mine is lost; been looking for it for a while now, yet still nothing – *sigh*.

I have just finished facilitating an appreciative inquiry for a bunch of senior managers in a mining company. An appreciative inquiry is a method of getting people to focus on what is working for them in order to build more of that, rather than focus on what is not working, and trying to problem solve. There is a set of assumptions that sit behind an appreciative inquiry as follows: there is always something that works, what we focus on becomes our reality, there are multiple realities and the act of asking questions influences the moment.

The inquiry has four parts to it:

Discover: what is working well?
Dream: what would I like to be, do or have?
Design: how am I going to achieve what I want to be, do or have?
Deliver: what can I influence, what can I do and by when?

It got me thinking that if I preach this stuff, I should be able to live it and apply the assumptions to myself, so I went on a path of discovery to identify what is working for me and I came up with the following list aptly titled:

These are a few of my favourite things

I love I can get out of bed in the morning… that sentence could finish there, but I will continue with… and sit at my computer and write. I write story, I blog, I tweet, I email, I message.

I love that I have i-tunes on my computer and I download songs. I am back in touch with song. I have my guitar; I am remembering chords and can play and sing ‘Bridge over troubled water.’ I first learnt this song on my guitar when I was fifteen.

I love hanging out with my friends. I love doing long lunches, just chatting and enjoying. I love walking and playing with my dogs. I love being connected to friends via text. I love texting, I love hearing the sound of a new text message beep on my phone. I love my family. I love life. I love…

Yep, it works. When you start to realise all the things that are good in your life, you realise how blessed you are, well at least I did.

So ok, I get my life can function without mojo. But imagine the possibilities with mojo? Now there’s a thought, so I think I will keep looking a little longer. Yoohoo, mojo… where are you mojo? Here mojo …