Have you ever attended a meeting, information or learning session where you have decided that what is being said is a crock of nonsense? Can you recall how you felt in that situation – apprehensive, angry, frustrated, indignant?

Have you ever considered that situations like these may simply be forcing you out of your comfort zone? 

We all have our comfort zones although, different for each of us.  Sit back, close your eyes and with consciousness, think about how you feel when you choose to, or are forced, to step out of your comfort zone.

Do some, or all of the words in BLUE in the illustration below look and feel familiar to you?

If you have answered yes, then rest assured you are not alone. 

It is common for us all to feel some or all of these emotions when confronted with situations that take us out of our comfort zone.  When we are out of our comfort zone, we hit our TERROR zone and whilst in this zone our feelings manifest into behaviours; and not all of them are positive.  The words in BLUE in the above illustration describe emotions; how we might be feeling.  The words in RED describe the potential resultant behaviours. 

For example, these feelings can provoke different behaviours such as aggression – where we lash out at others; sabotage – where we actively work against the situation being presented; or withdrawal – where we simply do not engage in the process – which can also be seen as sabotage.

So understanding that these feelings are normal is the first part of learning.  The next step is learning how to deal with these emotions whilst in our terror zone, so that they manifest in positive behaviours.

Stephen Covey has a good take on this.  In his writings on the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, he talks about “Between Stimulus and Response” in Habit 1 – Be Proactive. 

In essence he is saying we all experience events that provide some sort of stimuli (like being outside of your comfort zone or having your buttons pushed).  However it is the responses or choices we make when we are stimulated that stand us head and shoulders above the rest.  He is saying that we can choose to to react or we can learn more planned and thoughtful responses.   The choice is in being aware of having choices and that we do not have to defer to the situation or circumstance.  He says the more distance we can put between the stimulus and whether we react or respond, then the more proactive and less reactive we become. 

It is simply the act of acknowledging we are “out of our comfort zone” and reflecting on the emotions we are feeling, that becomes the first step in our learning.  Then, the second step is to move beyond our terror zone and learn to control our emotions to ensure positive behaviours are demonstrated.

So next time you in a meeting, information or learning session, and you are sitting there ‘rolling your eyes’ and grunting that this is a ‘waste of time’ (sabotage) or not participating or being disruptive by challenging everything that is being said – analyse why you are behaving that way?  Is it simply, you are being pushed outside your comfort zone?  If you respond with yes, then your next action is about choice.  You can choose to acknowledge your feelings and own your discomfort and learn and grow or you can choose to stay in your comfort zone and do whatever it is you have always done.

REMEMBER:  there is no comfort in learning and no learning in comfort. 

You are what you think

Henry Ford made this comment many years ago, long before it became fashionable to actually believe the statement may hold some truth.  And right now as I sit typing one-handed because I am trussed up like a roast chook, I am pondering what might be the emotional underlying cause of the physical manifestation of my bung shoulder and subsequent useless right arm?

It’s an interesting, if not somewhat controversial topic to ponder, the link between the physical and emotional dimensions of self. Whilst it is no doubt an easy topic to dismiss as some sort of hudu guru, new age crap, I am thinking a moment of reflection is warranted, especially for me in my current situation, as only I am really able to analyse the situation as only me and a very select few have been privvy to my thought patterns leading up to this event.

Those of you that know me will have heard me say “I am going to do princess; I am not going to be the capable one anymore.”  And those that know me have heard me say “I want to live the second half of my life very different from the first”, which translates into “I don’t know what I want to be when I grow up.”  Those that know me, also know that I have left the long standing relationship in pursuit of these endeavours so have certainly been experiencing some emotional turmoil culminating in the sale of the house and imminent move.

So given this is potentially about closure and new beginnings, why am I incapacitated when I need to be functioning and able?  Is it just pure coincidence that my arm fails right when I need it most?  Is it just bad luck and rotten timing?

I would like to respond with a simple and resounding yes, but to do so makes me feel like I am missing the point; that I am in denial and simply justifying my current state which, by the way, is something we all do – often!

Louise Hay has dedicated her life to this concept, resulting in her world renown, best selling book “You can heal your life.”  The following video introduces the concept of being in control of the life we live, starting with our thoughts.  Some of you will enjoy this, some of you may not. 

For me it is all about lifelong learning; being willing to open our mind, body and soul to different perspective and being willing to challenge held beliefs.  

Yes, my shoulder will heal, along with my approach to life… and meanwhile I will graciously ask for, and accept help!

The clip is a worthy 1-hour investment of your time so sit back, chill and enjoy! 

Use the side arrows < > to navigate the parts.

It’s a funny thing… when you finally get what you think you want only to find it wasn’t all that it was cracked up to be.  I came home one night to find half my house missing … and I cried!  In fact I sobbed uncontrollably.  But why was I crying?  Was it because he had gone?  Was I crying for what coulda, shoulda been?  Or was I crying with relief that finally it was over?

I actually think I was crying for all of the above.   I was mourning for something that was no longer.

Seeing the empty spaces in my house was a very real visual that he was gone, along with some of my / our stuff.  I was sad for what coulda, shoulda been.  Why couldn’t he love me?  Why couldn’t he support and nurture me?  Why couldn’t / didn’t we have stuff in common?  Why were we not friends, lovers, confidantes, mates – we should have been?  And yes, I was happy – albeit sobbing – with relief that it was finally over, finally done.  He had moved out.  I could now move on.

I woke the next day feeling exhausted but at peace.  I knew I had a choice.  I could choose to wallow in sadness or I could embrace the new day as a new beginning and get on with life.  I chose the latter and bid farewell to that part of my life.  The next few days saw a new energy build in me.  I felt happy, and I hadn’t been happy for a long time.  I could feel the old me returning; the me with zest and resolve to live the second half of life way different to the first.

This year has been a year of endings; just about everything I knew and did stopped being, it all ended.  Overall, the year has been quite stressful so I am more than happy to bid it farewell.  So as the year draws to a close I find myself reflecting on the lessons presented and what I learned.  I came up with the following which I have called:

- 20 tips to make life more rewarding:

Tip # 1: create and communicate a compelling and shared vision of the future

Tip # 2: make the vision yours by living today as if you have achieved it

Tip # 3: be excited, enthused and optimistic about your vision

Tip # 4: be open to creative problem-solving: think outside the box

Tip # 5: remember feedback is just that; not an excuse to argue

Tip # 6: when holding onto beliefs ask yourself ‘how is that working for me?’

Tip # 7: re-think ideas and problems

Tip # 8: the first sign of insanity is to keep doing the same thing expecting a different outcome

Tip # 9: always ask yourself ‘what role am I playing’ in this situation

Tip # 10: share information, dreams, hopes and concerns always

Tip # 11: let those around you know you appreciate them

Tip # 12: say thank you and I love you often

Tip # 13: smile in the face of adversity, for adversity is only a state of mind

Tip # 14: when moving forward and having to take two steps backward, remember to breathe, and then smile

Tip # 15: ponder all the possibilities amid your potential for it is we, not others that limit us

Tip # 16: Henry Ford once said ‘if you think you can, you will; if you think you can’t, you won’t’

Tip # 17: some see an answer for every problem; others see a problem for every answer

Tip # 18: we are all human beings; we should allow our humans to be

Tip # 19: when life seems difficult, just go with what is

Tip #20: whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it now!

Let me know your thoughts.  What was the year like for you, what did you learn?

I recently reconnected with an old friend; on Facebook would you believe, of all places!  He is actually not old, I simply knew him twenty something years ago when we were both young twenty somethings.  He wrote on my Facebook page:

plus ça change, plus c’est la même chose

 when translated means

the more things change, the more they stay the same 

He wrote this in response to the fact that I was heading out for a long lunch and long lunches were one of the things we used to do all those years ago.  In fact, we aptly named him sir lunch-a-lot because he did lunch so well.  His comment got me thinking.  What else am I doing today that I was doing back then?  And surprise, surprise, there are many similarities.

Back then, there was a group of us that would meet after work on a Friday, hang out, party and have fun.  I am now collecting a bunch of friends that will often meet after work on a Friday, hang out, party and have fun.

Back then, I would always get up with the band (whatever band, at whatever venue) and have a sing.  Often now, I will ask the band (whatever band, at whatever venue) can I have a sing.  This is why, when people comment on my ability to get up and sing with a band I respond with ‘well, you know, I have been rehearsing for twenty-five years.’

Back then, I was single and searching for love. Today, same.

Back then when I celebrated my big 3 – 0 birthday and back then, turning 30 was a big deal, I threw a huge party and had the band, so I could sing my little heart out.  It was after all my party, and I will sing if I want to! Back then I knew the members of the band and sang with them often.

Recently, when I celebrated my big 5 – 0 birthday and it too I got to tell you was a big, if not bigger deal, I threw a huge party and had the band, so I could sing my little heart out.  Yep, because it’s my party and I will sing if I want to… And again, I knew the members of the band as I sang with them also.

Back then, I wanted to focus more on the creative stuff, like song and song writing but the need to earn money far outweighed and over-ruled this.  Back then, I would work all day and then sing all night, and back then I could.  Today, I find myself with the same yearning to focus on the creative stuff, like song and writing. Only this time I have given myself permission to pursue this side of me as maturity has provided the insight to know I can pursue the creative as well as earn money.

Back then I wrote some really good songs.  Back then I even recorded my songs but sadly over time and moving house these are now lost.  What I do have however are the words to one of the songs I wrote and I gotta tell you, back then I knew stuff because today the words still ring true.  I remember singing this song with my piano player at a bar in the city, receiving a standing ovation and a $20 tip!  I also remember us having an excellent guitarist (a friend at the time) who played the most magical guitar riff, that I am sure contributed toward the tip and ovation also. Damn! I wish I still had the recording.  I remember the guitar bit being really lilting and beautiful.

Today, I can still hum the tune and hear the guitar and piano, however it is when I look at the words that I shake my head almost in disbelief because today, this song (perhaps now a poem) is not only reminiscent of days gone by but so appropriate for where I am at today.

So you see, a truism - “the more things change, the more they stay the same!” Or as the kids today would say ”same, same but different.”

Enjoy my poem… and let me what you think?