You see, lunch with the girls serves many purposes but none more important than having a forum to discuss relationships. We were a mix of women at the lunch and whilst there were many topics we could and did discuss the main topic was men and relationships. Out of the seven of us, only one is married, two have never married and are not in a relationship, I have left the relationship and the rest are in various states of new relationships.

We are all successful business women, yet the predominant topic at lunch was men! Are we, as women then, not really happy unless we are in a relationship? And if we are not in a relationship and we say we are happy, are we really? For me, this is a bit confronting given I am embarking on a solo journey, what if I will never be happy? Are there degrees of happiness?

The Dalai Lama says “we are simply on this earth to be happy” so maybe we need to ponder the following questions: (1) what is happiness; and (2) when am I most happy?

It is useful to listen to the language we use when talking about happiness to determine ‘when am I most happy.’ Is our language (therefore our happiness) based in the past - “I was so happy when we had the house down south and I didn’t have to worry about xyz” or future oriented – “I will be really happy when the kids are finished at school and I can take that holiday I have been yearning for years.”

True happiness or authentic happiness is appreciating the here and now, finding happiness in every day simple things such as I am happy to be alive, I am happy to have a roof over my head, I am happy I can make fantastic pancakes and enjoy good coffee in the mornings. Happiness is not authentic if it is conditional. That is, happiness can not be based on something else needing to happen such as “I will be happy when I lose those extra 10 kilos, I can only be happy if you do this, or give me that.” Being happy is a choice. For me, I am happy to simply give life a go – Que Sera Sera!

This is why you have lunch with the girls, to ponder these types of questions. The lunch part of lunch with the girls is really inconsequential. Lunch with the girls is not about the food (although it has to be good) it is the collective support and nurturing we offer to each other. Lunch with the girls is the best therapy session any of us can partake in. And lunch with the girls also expands our social networks as we each invite someone from our pack to join us for lunch in another pack therefore connecting with other women and broadening perspective.

Is it any wonder women are much better than men when it comes to emoting and talking about life, love and the universe? We have been practising over lunch for years!

Lunch with the girls? Absolutely! Now that thought makes me happy…

Favourite lunch spots: Tell me about your fav spots, these are mine…

The Subiaco Hotel, The Ess Bar – Subiaco, The Raffles Hotel (Tapas Bar and Deco) – Applecross, Cocos – South Perth, The Botanica – Innaloo, The Blue Duck – Cottesloe, Indiana Tea Rooms – Cottesloe and the Opus Restaurant in the Richardson Hotel – West Perth (also does a great degustation).

They say that renovating your house is akin to renovating your soul; the house being metaphor for your psyche.  So, that must mean I am going through a major overhaul right now!

Yesterday the house renovations started quite literally with a bang, thud and crash.  As the demolition occurs and bits of the house crumble and fall, the bob-cat dutifully comes along scrapes it all into a neat pile and throws it into a very large truck to be carted away to goodness knows where.

So what is this saying about me?  Are layers of me also being stripped away, demolished to be swept up and carted off?  What am I throwing away?  What will be the new me after this rather cathartic process?  Hmmmmm, interesting parallel, let’s see what happens.

I wrote that text in a blog a couple of years ago and now realise just how prophetic those words were or indeed how true the connection between house and soul!  The renovation of house finished but the renovation or transformation of me continues…

So I thought I would share a bit of this journey with you.  I have changed, maybe grown up even, not sure.  Sometimes, I think it would be nice to not be aware and not reflect and analyse life, however that doesn’t work for me especially given my chosen career and philosophy of Lifelong Learning.  And this is one of those lifelong learning moments… so this story or journey is aptly titled “fifty, fabulous and a bunch of other f words!” 

In retrospect, it was really quite scary reaching the big 5 – 0 only to realise there had to be more to life.  The renovation and then the transformation of the house paralleled my life.  I realised I wanted the best experience life could offer me so I made the humungous decision to head off on a solo path ending the long term relationship.

On the approach to this significant birthday friends actually said to me “Watch out turning fifty, you may leave the marriage, sell the house, chuck in the job, or give away the kids and animals – well so true!”  So here I am now at the ripe age of 50 something single, and loving it.  The weight of an unfulfilling relationship lifted to reveal a zest for life that makes me want to skip down the street bare feet and dance naked in kings park, if of course that were allowed.

I went out one Friday night and fell in love!  Yes it was a person, a lovely man, and whilst it was everything I had dreamed and hoped for it was also way more.  The experience was metaphor for change, courage and growth at the emotional and spiritual levels; and at the physical it was just sheer joy at experiencing the light headed giddiness that goes with flirting and romance, of being drunk on the moment and not on any actual substance.  The feeling of invigoration; I was tingling with excitement at what might be. But at the same time, not attached to what might be.  It may be forever, or it may fizzle tomorrow, but to feel all this again was just sensational.

Relationships that don’t work shut you down to these types of feelings, turn off the youthful exuberance of being in love, of touching the other person, breathing in their smell and kissing to the point of getting lost in that embrace and falling into a world that you don’t want to return from.  I found this on that Friday night, out of the blue there he was and we clicked. The chemistry was instantaneous and exhilarating.  We chatted to the early hours of the morning, held hands and kissed like teenagers.

We arranged to meet the next day and in the cold harsh reality of daylight, it was just as good.  The day morphed into the night and we had not run out of things to say, we ate some food, we drank some beer and kept talking, holding hands and kissing.  It was then I realised something else was stirring in me.  Something I hadn’t felt for a long time; I felt alive and aching with excitement, something I had turned off or at least shut down a long time ago and now I realised this feeling, this state of youthful exuberance is something I want in my life always; I want more of this – OH – MY – GOD! 

Ok, so here is the reality check… how ridiculous at my age to be behaving like this, let alone writing/blogging about it.

But that is the point… age should not prevent any of us from seeking fulfilment and chasing rainbows and dreams.  Here’s the thing: to be in love is to be and feel young.  So why does love avoid so many of us?  What happened that Friday night that allowed two people to connect?

Firstly, we were obviously in the right place at the right time, so it is important to be out and about.  Then the rest was up to us.  He or I could have feigned disinterest, but we didn’t.  We could have pretended to be something we are not, but we didn’t. We allowed ourselves to be vulnerable (well, at least I did) and we took the bull by the horns. Neither of us was expecting to rescue or be rescued by the other, we were simply enjoying the moment – or so I thought! 

The experience got me thinking about what I want from life.  And what I know is I want to experience deep, passionate, intimate, romantic love – unashamedly!

Our well-being is based on being balanced and love and everything that goes with love is part of that balance.

So the moral to this story is LIFE has to be lived.  It is a waste to stay somewhere and not be happy or fulfilled, and yet sadly many of us do.  I say find the courage to live the life you really want.  Be passionate, dare to thrill and be thrilled and in the process be whole and feel the giddiness of youth through love and romance.  This, I got tell you, is a great place to be. 

Happy Di...

Nearly four months on from my significant birthday and I have to say I was not prepared for the catharsis that followed.

I seem to have these words floating around in my head all the time – “I don’t know what I wanna be, when I grow up?” How come all of a sudden I want to question everything that is? How come I seem happy but feel unhappy? Something is missing, what?

How can a birthday create such a drama? So I am on a journey. On a journey to discover what is missing and just maybe along the way I will discover what it is I want to be when I grow up!

I have just recently celebrated a significant birthday on Black Friday. Yes, Friday the 13th of June, 2008. As I write this, I am actually pondering the history of Black Friday. That is, why is a Friday and the number 13 considered black and linked to bad luck and superstition? I don’t actually know the answer to that question but have to say I don’t consider the number 13 unlucky nor do I find the combination of Friday and 13 anything but a day and a date. And this year I used Friday the 13th as a good excuse to party and party we did.

The renovations are complete and the house is magnificent. I used the black Friday idea to host a party to re-connect with family and friends. I had been a bit disconnected through being distracted with the build, distracted by a knowing that life is changing and I felt my birthday was a good time to get everyone together and celebrate – maybe a last hurrah? I had the party catered, plenty of fine wine and a handful of talented musicians to cap the night off. Whilst the party was fantastic, some have said a “wonderfully sophisticated evening” for me, it was all about the people.

Family and friendships are important, and the night demonstrated this beautifully. I remember a saying from somewhere – not sure where – that goes something like: some friendships are for a season and some for a reason ….

I realise this is a bit vague but I guess it captures what I am trying to say. Friendships that last, that span decades are truly special and I don’t know that I really understood that until just now. Perhaps understood is not the right word, perhaps appreciate is a better fit. Yes, I don’t think I have ever really thought about friendships, because usually they just are, but today I can say I have a depth of understanding around friendships and now truly appreciate just how special they are.

Special however, only when the friendship is true, when the friendship is authentic.

This is what I felt on Friday the 13th. I felt I was surrounded by true friendship. Some friends I have known for nearly 40 years, since we were little girls at primary school. Some friendships span 20 years and longer. There are some male friends of mine who we joke about being each others hand-bags when we were all single. Now we have integrated partners into the friendships. Some friendships are quite new, yet I feel the specialness of them and I know these too will blossom and have longevity.

In the newly renovated home I have achieved a place of work, a place of living and celebration. Friends are friends, and some are clients. Clients always become friends and together we celebrate life, love, work and success. I feel blessed to be alive and thankful to have experienced such a wonderful night that was much, much more than just a birthday on black Friday the 13th.

I have taken myself off to a wonderful health retreat in the hills of Perth.  As I write this blog I am sitting in front of a wood fire, looking through huge double glass doors out to the magnificent view and listening to Enya whilst steaming my organic vegetable dinner – all very soothing and nurturing.  I am having me time!  So how come I am feeling bored and want to go home after just the second day?

Perhaps my stay here has become the catalyst for me to truly understand that my life is pretty damn good.  Instead of appreciating all the good things that happen day to day, I have been focusing in on the one little thing that I perceive not to be quite right?  How often do we do that?  Why do we do that?  Why don’t we wake up in the morning feeling absolutely blessed just because we have woken up?

This is what I have learnt during the solitude of my days – in between my massage, reiki and reflexology sessions!  I have learnt to become conscious of life around me and to appreciate the best of everything that I encounter.  I have learnt that I hold the answers within, I just need to give myself permission to probe and take a look.  I have also picked up a few tips and tricks from the wonderful Louise Hay from Hay House Publishing.  No, not in person but through reading one of her books I discovered in the book shelf.  She is very much into the notion of loving yourself.  She says go look at yourself in the mirror, look yourself in the eyes and tell yourself “I love and accept you exactly the way you are.”  This is an interesting exercise, one I encourage you to have a go.

Even though my stay was meant to be for five (5) days, I am exiting after two (2) feeling alive, re-energised and joyous.  I think the act of seeking this stay as an intervention served its purpose and I recognize that.  I know I have achieved what I set out to do and am truly grateful.  In addition I will be switching us (the fam) to organically grown fruit and veg and investing in both a steamer and juicer.  I have validation of the mind-body connection.  I get it!  In fact, I think I always got it, just got a little lost of late. What about you?